Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
