My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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