I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
