I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
