I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
