i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
