When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
