He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
