I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
