i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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