You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
