When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
