feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
