You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
