tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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