I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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