What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
