I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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