Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
