Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
