I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
