Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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