Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
