What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
