Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
