Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
