who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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