This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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