it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
