I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
