just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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