just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
