its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
