I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What a dumb baby whore.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
