I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
