What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
