your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
