im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
