Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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