Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Boobs are out for the taking
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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