If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
