Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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