Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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