I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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