meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
