Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
