I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize