I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
