Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize