Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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