i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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