Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
