Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
