We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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