I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
