In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
