Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize