so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
