what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
