Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
