I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
