I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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