I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
