apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
