Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
