We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
