I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
