I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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