He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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