Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need a beard to bite.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
