How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize