If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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