Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
