I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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