I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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