my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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