Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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