The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
